| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2005|04:30 pm] |
Right now...I'm talkin to some
people...Hali im happy for you that you are going to Valley Fair...I go
there every summer:D It's pretty kewl... As for the cities, they
really arne't that awesome lol. I used to live in the cities...It sucks
if you ask me...But our church there....Was beautiful, you probably saw
it on the way to Valley Fair..Well I doubt it, cuz it was on the way to
my house lol..Yea it's pretty kewl. Today my sisters are leavin
(Karissa and Katie) THANK GOODNESS I thought they'd never leave, well I
don't mind Katie much, but Karissa is a dumb little kid..Serously..I
want kids when im older, but then again I don't. Right now I absolutely
HATE little kids...Serously, there are very few little kids in this
world that I do infact like...hmmm kinda like books...Well Hali, I miss
you so much, as for Alli, she don't talk to me I guess we aren't really
friends anymore, but who controlled that you ask? It was Alli.
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2005|09:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  flirty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Window: The MarsVolta | ] |
HELLO!
I know i havent written in this in a very long time....Alli i feel so
okward..We haven't spent time together in a very long time...I feel
wierd, because we always used to spend time together, we have to do
something really really soon. (8) Well, you TWO had me from Hello(8)
Well not a damn thing is new with me...I feel so bad for Kory...Hali
and Alli i will tell you guys later if i ever remembver what i was
going to say....We have to start writing in here again...Like we used
to all the time like forever and a half ago...I SWEAR ITS A TRUE
STORY...Once upon a time...I'm am gettin into Linkin Park again...And
people like The Bravery, and The MarsVolta...Ever since i heard of The
Bravery (On MTV2 Discover and Download) I have liked em....I am gonna
be pissed if Brynn lieks em.... Because she is not KEWL like them!
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| IM SORRY |
[Mar. 7th, 2005|09:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Thinkin ~! Confuesed !~ | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nobody Knows: Babyface | ] |
Sorry
i haven't written in this in a while... I will try harder to
write in it...It's just that i just got my comp back today... so yea:D
WOO GO ME....I want to go out with Kory:P I can't thoug.... Justin got
mad that Kory was talkin to me so much:( This is gonna suck the 4 of us
at the movies:D
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 19th, 2005|11:33 am] |
im
sry I never write, its just that I like to read other peoples entrys
more than writing my own. I know i might sound really lazy......but I
DONT REALLY CARE WHAT YOU THINK. I sry that sounded so very mean. but
who really cares.............. yea...
so yea. goodbye
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2005|08:54 pm] |
ok,
nice entry hali...i guess. but yea this was my funfilled
weekend........................................
........................................................................................................................................................
ok, friday....... I dont
really remember what happend, i think i stayed home and talked to
justin alot online. then i talked to holly growe on the phone for the
longest time, then melissa went over there. i was gonna....but
thhen.....i diddnt... yea then i was so dizzy from my medicine. yea
that sucked. i dont think that my entrys are very visible, bcuz nobody
ever writes a reply to things on here. but ok. but back to my friday i
think i sat and watched movies,my sis was bein a bi*ch that day. im sry
i almost forgot that i quit swearing lol.
purple. purple is my new color.
my blue and black is gone now......people stole it. so now i have
purple and black. but yea now for my saturday....woke up...talked on
msn....went to alli's.......left.......went to dis nice
house.......walked to hali's..so fun........got sick:(..........got
hali.....came back...went hot tubbing.....took me an hr to eat 2 peices
of pizza......watched movies.....went to video store....walked....to
bowling ally........seen my sis manny and anthony.... PLAYED
GAMES....GOT HANDCUFFS...THAT WAS WICKED AWESOME.....WALKED TO
ALLI'S.....that was fun..........cody wouldnt get out of the
downstarirs:( not fun...cuz we wanted to watch the grudge...the i got
handcuffed to that lil white holey thingy....so fun....cody was
accusing my of bein on pot:( that wasnt nice. then yea we went upstairs
and watched cellular...wicked awesome...then i think alli got a lil bit
annoyed...yea not cool. i dont like it when shes like that.. it makes
me sad. bcuz then she is sad. and
shes really sad when shes sad. but yea then we were watchin th grudge,
but alli fell asleep.:( yea hali and i was gonna stay up till she was
tired. but i was tired and wanted to sleep. the next day alli dint wake
me n hali up, yea that sucked. so she was like awake for the longest
time without us :(. yea then we all had to leave, yea that sucked, cuz
my mom wasnt home * as usual* so i had to climp through the smallest
window in my house...o well. but yea then i talked online for the
longest time. but then i went to sleep and yea. bye
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|06:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | this is the new shit | ] |
omg
hali, no you cant start smoking, that is icky, so no, you cant. im sry
ally, i had to leave school today, i like was sooo not feeling good,
but im goin to go to school tomorrow though. so yea!! hali, we should
all go to that new movie hide n seek with only us three this
weekend(ally,heli,jenn) lol we will sneek in lol. omg hali have
fun at ur concert without me:( o well i will have fun sitting at home
all bye myself. i would try n get a ride, then maybe you could come n
stay at my house after that, but i doubt u would want to. but okay. so
what ARE we doin this weekend ally, cuz we like do somethin every
weekend, but i hope i can do somethin, cz my mom is goin outta town
again this weekend. only on saturday though. but im out L8ERZ PPLZ
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2005|04:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  this sux | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ABUSE | ] |
omg
you guys, i still feel like im asleep from that stuff they gave me at
the hospital to fall asleep, but it dint work too well, cuz i
woke up. but w/e
I MIGHT BE IN SCHOOL TUESDAY OR WEDNSDAY
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|
| my eventful weekend |
[Feb. 5th, 2005|11:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  too much coffee | ] |
So
you guys want to hear about my weekend? Well here it is. friday morning
ally told me that she had a suprise for me,i had no clue what so ever
what it was, bcuz she said that she couldnt give it to me till
swimming, but then leah asked ally where holly was, and that so wrecked
it, but ok. then throughout the day i was getting pissed bcuz noah kept
knocking my books out of my hand, and casey kept trying to trip me, but
ok. then at swimming i almost drown (not really) but it was fun. then
we saw hali, awesome times, but then she just HAD to say hi to LaRissa
-(icky) but yea, it was fun, then i guess i was taking forever getting
my stuff, then Nathan came up to me at my locker and was talking to me
hes awesome he was nervous i think, cuz he kept messin with his watch,
hes pretty cool though, but one of my best friends is going out with
him.ok then we like ran to the bus, then ally and hali like sat in the
isle, and i sat on whittney, and yea that was ok but whittney and i
pissed this girl off, and jago took my science book and wouldnt give it
back, hes so mean to me. but w/e and yea, we went to allys house and
then we sat around till who knows how long, then i did allys make-up
and jill called and was like om when i hang up im goimg yo committ
suicide, then we were all like o yea w/e and jessica called she was not
to nice to ally at all, while i was doing allys make-up, she was
talking to jessica, hali was on the otherphone listening, and i was
like yelling at jessica cuz she was super loud on the phone. yea that
was pretty cool. we went to the movies, that was really fun till i saw
larissa, but w/e then justin was talking to me, he said he liked me,
and he hated jordan dibley, and annie told me that she saw jordan and
justin making out in the movies, yea that wasnt too cool, but isaw this
other kid there, he is in my sewing class, hes awesome, he is really
funny, and i always help him with sewing, even though i am bad at it
and i usually set his machine up wrong....oops...o well... but yea me
and ally and hali diddnt even end up sitting by each other, i sat by
mikayla and jordan, ally sat by ashley, hali sat by ashley and brynn,
ryan is so funny, he screamed almost as much as i did, nathan was
suposed to go to th movies but his parents werent bein nice i guess,
but ok and then mikayla thought she lost her wallet but then we found
it under her chair, which is a cewincadence, er however you spell it
bcuz travis stole jordan wallet that had her credit card and 8$ in it
but ok. so yea. then the movie was great, and afterwards i saw annie
kristin and sarah, i diddnt even know they were there, i guess annie
saw me, i had seen kristin, and then big byrd and lil byrd were there
and melissa and emily went togather, so yea kinda weird and then yea me
ally and hali had a popcorn fight and yea that was that night. then
saturday, we laid around alot when we wereplayin hide-n-seek i was abt
to go downstairs, then cody popped out of the corner and pointed his
guna t me i was kinda feaked out though bcuz he shoots ally so i diddnt
know if he would shoot me or not. so i was like falling over. yea ally
got kinda pissed at hali and me but w/e
that was my eventful weekend
LUV PPLZ LOTZ
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|05:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired, really tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | rain on me | ] |
uh hali, i do like mcr, otherwise i wouldnt want to go to the a taste of choas with you. hali why were you being pissy with me like that?? it kinda pissed me off but w/e |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|08:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | omg hug me with BOTH arms | ] |
| [ | music |
| | so cold | ] |
omg hey
omg no
omg i feel stupid lyk always man. omg o geez. i guess justin still lyks
me. i kinda still lyk him, hes hott, hes pretty cool. he pissed me off
tho so im just lyk omg u assole. and im just lyk omg holly i want ur
body and justins lyk omg awesome, well none of the whole i want ur
body, butOMG. yes ally, we gotta do suthin this weekend lyk do that
thing that we were gonna do to leah ill talk to u at school abt it tho
ok, ok. o you guys, whats up??? me not much here, just really tired,
but omg ally my 17 yrs sis is back man. but yea. omg i wanna tell u
sumthin but i unno if i should, hali i don think u know my sis, i unno
if ally does either but OK. yea hali i cant wait for dat concert, ally
u have to get u ticket soon too, but yea me n hali are havin a contest
of to who can get the most MSN addys or # so yea its gonna be fun, hali
dont forget a pen lol i might use my arm, wait.....nah cuz then it will
take forever to get off again but im so excited for it, but yea imma go
order my ticket "hopefully" so yea l8er pplz, o and ally im sry i nevr
really "lyked" matt lyk that lol but ok. so yea. o by the way UR BROS A
WHORE, srt hali but...JAKES A WHORE ALSO, THEY CAN BE WHORES
TOGATHER!!!
well l8er dayz ppl
MUCH LUV CUMMIN FROM HERE:d |
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| HATE |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|12:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | broken by seether | ] |
fisrt off, ally u do have friends, and when my other friends know you, they will love you, and hali, o im not tryin to be mean, BUT UR WEIRD IF U EVEN MISS BRYNN. i do not like her at all, and im happy cuz i convinced ally to go to the school dance on the 7th. but w/e. my mom is suprisingly letting me go to the new yrs party, on a count of she thinks ill run away and hurt someone if i get pissed or see something. she is scaring me lately, she lets me go places, just not outside, she drives me everywhere, especially at night, she wont let me walk like anywhere. she thinks ill flip out and never come back, ive only ran away a few times so i dont know what shes worried abt. but w/e im so sad, my own bro made me feel like the most uinloved person alive yesterday night, hali knows what im talkin abt, hali can tell ally, just dont tell no one else u ppl. please, and ally dont ask who it is cuz im not tellin no one so hali GET OVER IT LOL, but come january im saving up all my money but ok, ill have like 35, cuz new yrs is 20, then the school dance is 5 so yeah, out of 60, i got 6 bucks from my grandparents for xmas cuz they dint wanna go out and buy us anything, and then from my other grandparents, i got jack shit.... but w/e they dint even call, anf from my dads mom, she gave me hate..... and i hope i die sum1 please kill me cuz i promised sum1 that i wouldnt comitt suicide, cuz he thought i would, so we made a promide to each other......but i g2g L8ERZ luv u hali and ally p.s. i feel broken cuz my bro, ill never again love |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2005|08:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cynical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | all i wanted | ] |
thats not cool
but holly, u promised! and i never wouldve expected this from you! why did you tell her, now the whole school is gonna know! and i dont hate you, and i never could! but im really pissed, but brynn i do hate you you laughed right in my face and ur not like me and never will be so go be a bitch somewhere else!!
L8ER DAYZ |
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| I CANT BELIVE IT |
[Jan. 16th, 2005|06:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | PISSED AT BRYNN AND HOLLY | ] |
| [ | music |
| | l8er dayz (one i made up) by sparkie | ] |
i cant blive it
she lied to me
she promised
she lied
how can i trust her again
is she feeling guilty?
i am in total shock
should i still talk to her
should i belive he when she
says she dint do it?
why
why did she tell
she promised
should i still trust her
what should i do
should i even speak to her again?
i dont think so
should i be pissed?
should i be sad?
no
i am dissapointed
why
why do u laugh
do u laugh because im different?
should i laugh because your all th same??
should i forgive you for laughing?
dont laugh i say.
its not funny
but u continue to laugh
i guess ill jsut stay away.
you say your sorry and your different too
but i dont belive you
why should i?
are you telling me i should?
why, you laughed at me
now should i laugh at you?
no, im not as low as that
ill keep my pride and dignity
unlike you..i still have mine
you know who those are about brynn and same with you HOLLY. holly i cant belive you told her and all she did was laugh right in my face, but lucky for her i dint get pissed cuz id have lots of poeple on her ass, including me, brynn like i said we are to totally different people, and i say now, we live in a totally different world. you arent like me neither is holly, ally i wish u were though, its sad your not. but i like it this way, because i can talk to you about these things. buts its all good i luv u ally and right now im pissed and holly, and yes while im pissed at u i will call u holly, and ur gonna have to reply on here if u wanna talk to me that goes for brynn also cuz i blocked both yall on my msn messenger. holly i dont know if i shoudl even let you explain yourself i dont think i will tho on a count of how mad i am right now.. so l8er dayz ppl ALLY I LUV U CALL ME |
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| gr |
[Jan. 15th, 2005|10:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | loveable... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | illl be missin you | ] |
people, i am too different from everyone else, like my music and shit and my reiligous belives an d stuff and another reason that i am different then every sevvy excapt 2, but i cant tell yall who, theyt are both guys and you guys prolly hate em and then there are 4 eigth graders that are like us but thats it otherwise we are different by far, and yall wont understand. but it works but i kinda really miss chris:( really much and i think i almost love him:( we are like so perfecft togather. i hope we stay togather for a really long time:D i do i think i love him, but i hope he feels the same abt me. hopefully he can change me. like bcuz im suicidal and a cutter:( and i hope he changes me:( i dont like the person i am, and im sure you guys dont either.god dam*** i dont wanna use bad language
Loneliness
Here I am,
In silent isolation,
Eating out my brain,
Going insane,
(I have become numb.)
I once had a life,
It seems so far away,
Like a distant dream,
Silently I scream,
(Get me out of here.)
Loneliness is now,
My only reality,
Darkness forever growing,
Hope never showing,
(Is this eternal?)
Now your voice,
Cuts through the void,
Giving me hope,
With bruised hands I grope,
(At this futile dream.) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2005|10:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sick....how do u think i feel! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Peranoid by Black Sabbatg | ] |
hey, i havent really been in school lately but owell, ive been sick, i have to get my tonsils out:( and thats gonna suck, and i think it will be over xmas vaca. so yea i get to sit inside while my gma gets drunk and starts yellin and bein pissy like even when shes not drunk. sometimes i wish that i never that side of my family they are all kinda loopey and perverted like my cuz'z the guys are pervs(litterally) and my aunts are stoners and my uncle is strick as hell and yeah my step mom is normal she has 2 perfect adorable sons (2 of my bros) luv em to death. and now my sis is movin back in bcuz when seh got outta treatment seh went to live wit my auntie(not by blood) but w/e and yeah my aunts fiance's bro was beatin on her and so today we had to get her and now i might be a auntie cuz she my be havin a kid at 16 (sigh) but shhh im not suposed to know my mom dont know i know. dude ppl in my family tell me everything... like that one of my sisters hates it here and another called social services on my mom and another gos and gets stoned all the time and another sleeps around and my older bro is like 22 and hes a drug dealer and my grandparents are gettin devorced and so u get the pic. everyone tells me everything they jus dont know that everyone else tells me this shit. so yah, i know what im gettin hali and ally for xmas i unno abt everyone else tho this is gonna be hard i have a lotta diff types of frineds, the so called "preps" "druggies" and "others" and so yeah i unno how this xmas thing is gonna work out, and i get to go to church tomorrow im excited yay i get to go with ally:) i havent seen her in a while i miss everyone. brynn is bein weird lately i dont think her and i are really gonna be friends very long i think we just too different. and i hope me and ally are frineds for a long time same w/ hali, but i dont think any of us will, i mean me and the sevvys i hang out with im a sevvy too to yeah. but they arent like me. not at all. i know it hali kinda knows what im talkin abt but yeah ill tell ally tomorrow but they wont tell anyone else i hope. last week it was really fun at church. im really excited for that but b4 you guys get sick of readin like i do sometimes i want to say sumthin........................................................................................but im not goona sry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!L8ERZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ |
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| Replaced |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|04:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely/replaced | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Invisible | ] |
i feel ive been replaced, by one of my friends im not gonna say who but it does seem like i have been.and it sux b/c its gonna end up that when they want me back and see who that person couldnt replace Sparks, they gonbna notice sehs gone, gone forever in her hell shes dead now one of them says, the other says, i never noticed but now i do, i am really sad and miss her.. but w/e Sparks might dissapear, but also may never come back ad her friends that lost her wont notice, but i cant help that. |
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| IM SOO SOO SORRY |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|09:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | paranoid---Black Sabbath | ] |
you guys im soo sorry, i feel horrible, maybe on saturday we can do sumthin if me and howard arent doin anythin so yeah. but i had such a fun time feelin shitty and havin fun, cant say what went on:) but i felt guilty abt alls holls and leah, leahs name aint workin now but w/e it blah so w/e. but i was sick last week so that sucked, and i went to the Impulse concert and then that was really fun that night i slept at ashleys and then the next day i was still at ashleys we had a party for evan, cuz the next day wus his bday but w/ i dint have ne time to get him a gift so yeah. then i left at lyk 9 i think b cuz my mom was suposed to come get me at 7 and bring me to allys and then she was a no show then i called her then shes all lyk o im sry honey i forgot and then i hung up on her then i called my sis then she got sum1 to bring me and then they had to stop at staabs so then we went there and i was waitin to leave but they dint brong me home till 2 or 3 so i was lyk so fuckin pissed so yeah then i went home and yeah. so i felt really bad abt ally and holly and leah so yeah im gonna get holls ally and leah(maybe) sumthin prolly leah too shes cool so yeah but i g2g im tired and my cat is rollin around on my desk so l8ers LUV YALL
WRITE MORE YALL DAMNIT
(L) Always
Sparks |
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| HOLY WATER BY BIG AND RICH-- everyone says this song reminds them of me--awww how sweet |
[Nov. 22nd, 2004|10:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  flattered | ] |
| [ | music |
| | holy water by big and rich | ] |
Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine wherever she would go
But looking at her now you'd never tell
Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water
She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
The unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she crys
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water
She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water |
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| i may sound like a pussy but w/e |
[Nov. 14th, 2004|11:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | empty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | goodbye | ] |
i know thinking abt suicide sounds like im a pussy and cant tough things out but right now i am crying. i am moving, once again i have to leave all my friends, and its either out of state back to south Carolina or to clearwater and i wont see my friends often and that will suck ass. i will write a poem for all yall they may be depressin or may not be but w/e. i dont care.... but heres one for me....
?
Tears come down my face, as i say my grace,
These tears i cry they are black, why is it black,
You should know the answer to that,
Once everything was clear
Even my tear but now you made it black
And you can't go back
There once was hope, love and dreams in me,
Now you made it so i cant seem to be,
Happy or fun now i am just glum.
You don't even care , you just stare and wonder why,
Why i am on the floor, with nothing but a kinef in my hand,
It does not look grand,
Now there is nothing left of me,
But a hallow space inside of me
Which is black and YOU made that |
|
|
| hey guys |
[Nov. 13th, 2004|10:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | rejected | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nobody likes me | ] |
dude today i went to go get holly with ally, we walked from allys to the St.Marys Cemetary. Holly took forever to get there me and ally we scared shitless and we seen this dead body in a coffin wit this table cloth type thing over it and she scared the shit out of us b/c we were waitin there for like an hr. b4 she cam there. then we went to Subway, we met Trisha and LaRissa there. that was a big fuckin mistake. then we walked to the mall from subway. Holly Larissa and Ally got pissed cause they said Trish and I were ditching them. but we were walking faster. but it wasnt our fault b/c they were behind us and they dint even tell us to slow down or anything. then Trish and i got by the mall first and i yelled to them to meet us in Glicks so we all could talk to Andrew. and yeah then we talked to him for a lil bit then me and Trish ansked everyone if they want to go to the pet center with us but holly went to go talk to maranda, and LaRissa was pissed and they dint go to the pet center with us so we walked back by Glicks to see if they were still there but they werent so we were gonna go into Claires and we seen them people and then after we went to Claires me and trish wanted to go try on dresses and Hurburgers.and LaRissa wasnt talin to us cause she was bein a bitch and was all lyk pissed cause she says we ditched her but we dint adn yeah they said they were gonna meet us in Hurburgers but they never came and so i was all lyk now whos ditchin who. and yeah LaRissa finally got fed up and said seh was leavin but she was a pussy and dint lave and yeah i was all lyk, no, ill leave she was already commin here so yeah. i tried to leave but ally pushed me in the massage chairs and yeah wouldnt let me get up so i thought i wou;d go back to talk to Andrew and yeah trish ran up to moe and came with and yeah. Larissa, Holly, and Ally came there so trish and i pretended not to see them and went out the other door. and went to the massge chairs, but yeah. i was suposed to go to St.Cloud to visit my sisters dad nad his wife till monday and they would drive me back to school on monday in the morning. but he doesnt like me wearin the clothes i do and have =my make-up the way i wear it so yeah.i was gonna sleep over at trishas house but she was goin to the movies wit larissa and yeah rojo was payin for her and yeah so i was gonna go cause i had 10$ so yeah but larissa said that she dint wanna be in the same theater as me so yeah. so i was gonna go to st.clpud but i just asked if i could go to my grandmothers house and yeah IM HERE!! but ok w/e.so yeah im gonna get my fuckin fat ass on livejousrnal so yeah.
LY
-SPARKIE |
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| um |
[Nov. 11th, 2004|10:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | billy gilman "one voice" | ] |
hey guys, today Kyle was so sad b/c he thought i was breakin up wit him and im caught between Alex and Emily. Im friends with both of them but they went out and yeah they broke up and they both talkin smack abt each other so yeah. im sry i woe Alex like 15-20 hugs now lol.:d hes awesome.aww Ryan hates meGOD ALLY WHY DID U HAVE TO BE SO MEAN TO HIM AND WHY DONT YALL GET ALONG?? but yeah when i break up with Kyle if and or when i will prolly be depressed again and start to cut again but yall cant say jack shit abt it to anyone b/c my mom say it b/c sum kid blabbed that i was a cutter or else they school found out from gym or swimming or sum shit. but w/e im out l8er
much
(L)
Always
-Sparkie |
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| i feel sooo uh |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|10:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | IM ALL ALONE FROM SHRECK | ] |
dude i dont know why guys like me, i have a basd attitude, im ugly and not popular. i may have friends, but then who dosent. and i like this guy and yeah i think he likes me too, and grr its not kyle. ive been waiting sooo long to go out with kyle and now i have him. and im afraid something might have happend at his party b/c i wasnt there and yeah cuz my mom came home to check-up on us and my sis and i had a few friends over, i had melissa scheerr, and kristin wyffles, and my sis had sum amanda chick and nikki maggnison. and yea. and lately kelli winter have been all uh toward each other like nice and shit. and trish and i are gettin along cause shes bein a slut and tryin to take klye away. and yeah. well hell im fuckin tired and goin to sleep! TOODLES I LUV U ALL
LUV U _ _ _ _ < THATS THE OTHER PERSON I LIKE O YEAH LUV U KYLE:ddd |
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| omg |
[Oct. 30th, 2004|12:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hyper | ] |
Tomorrow is Halloween, and for some reason, i have a weird feeling inseide me, like im missing something, and i feel weid=rd around tanner now that he isnt bein an ass all the time, hes been acting like he wants to be around me when kyle isnt there, and i feel like we are goin out, but we arent and i dont want to go out with him again, but i do wanna be really good friends. and i saw him last night and he came up and talked to me, it was about kyle, some of it was, then i ran into him when everyone ditched me in the maze and he almost kissed me. i was in a corner thinkin about kyle and there comes tanner and i dont know if he seen me or not, but yeah he was walking and he came around the corner, and yeah i think he saw me, and we were so close to each other, but yeah i really really like kyle, i dont know what i would do with out him, and yeah. but the otherday i wondered if we were meant to be, so yeah. it sometimes dosent seem like it and it seems like im meant to be single. but ok. yeah im gonna go call kyle, so YEAH!! byebye i havent been so depressed since kyle and i started going out. |
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| ahhhhh holly i miss you |
[Oct. 28th, 2004|10:28 pm] |
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today i talked to kyle. On the phone of course. Im very sad becuase he is sick right now with te flue. and it sucks. but i do get to talk to him everyday after school. thats the only reason i do come home to my step-moms house. otherwise its jsut because i just feel like getting beat. yeah my step-mom isnt very nice. and i cant tell anyone because then they will blab and somehow the teachers will find out again. like the time i was goin to committ suicide. and my mom will like never let me be alone now. and it sucks. i felt so alone in this world. like there were certain people i could tell things to, and some i couldnt. i dont know who blabs. so i know kyle wont say a thing. jill is a huge fuckin blabber mouth, she told this chick i cut myself with a fuckin broken beer bottle. and it was a broken glass that i accidentially kicked iff my dresser when i was sleeping. and theres a rumor goin around that im a pothead. which im not.i feel like i want to tell people that im goth inside. like my belifeis. but i cant. because they will act different around me. and lea lae will not like me. she told me that today, because i had a goth hello kitty dp on msn, and seh asked if i was goth and i said kinda, and seh said plz dont be, and im all lyk why, and shes all lky b/c i dont like goths,and im like aight. i feel so different around kyle, and since we were friends first, we know they realy each other. we told each other EVERYTHING! we can totally trust each other. and i just feel so loved around him. i want to committ suicide real bad, but then, i remember all the great memories of my friends and i, like when i ate that dog treat, and baby oh baby, and when i had a major blonde moment and asked trisha if vegitarians ate corn and when LaRissa and i went to Tanners, and tanner got pissed b/c LaRissa made me promise i wouldnt kiss tanner cause she dint wanna kiss kyle at that moment. and he called her a bithc and got sooo pissed. tanner is cool. he was soo flirting with me ever since kyle has been gone. like at ditch clean-up and in math and shit. its sooo fun. but i dont flirt wiht him, i try sooo hard, and i dont. b/c i have someone better, HIS BEST FRIEND! i always wondered why tanner asked me out in the first place. ive heard from alot of people that he still likes me, and that he spread a rumor that we mad-out. he was so mean b4 kyle and i went out. its like he does still like me. but its 11:08 and i have to go take a shower and i got skool in the morning;) talk to ya 2-morrow if i have time;) |
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| Poem---HELP!! |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|05:42 pm] |
Help
What will it take for you to help me.
Send S.O.S signs?
What.
Do I need to send a message in a bottle?
What.
Help me, I dont know what to do.
I dont know what im doin here.
And I dont know how to get home.
But then where Is home?
The place where I get abused?
Virbaly and mentally?
When will you see?
I have no home!
No where I feel safe.
I thought thats what a home was.
But I guess, to you,
Home means where you get yelled at,
conctantly.
Never get to see anyone.
Never get to talk to anyone.
When will you notice?
Notice that i dont belong here.
When will you see how bad it really is?
I'd like to see you walk in my shows for even a day,
Or better yet, Crawl!
All you do is say your there, but never really there.
And tell me how to live my life.
It helps when ur there, because she acts all fake.
And you dont know it!
None of you do!
You say your different!
But its never true!
Your all the same,
And you say your not.
But listen,
YOU ARE!!!
No questions asked! |
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